Leaving the house was a horrible experience. We stood in the underground parking garage, with no overhead light, just the light from the outside peeking in, I’m not going to cry I said as tears welled up. I held him tightly while he looked at me with that smiled. That smile that said don’t cry silly, it’s only a week, and this is good, you’ll learn stuff. That smile that held all the tenderness he couldn’t say. When did I become so dependent upon him? I thought to myself. I’m only going for a week. It’s not the end of the world. Don’t you remember doing things on your own? Did you do things on your own? I never wanted to have to rely on someone, yet I wanted someone to take care of me. I guess this would and could happen, because they would want to do everything for me, and I would let them of course, but I would also still be the master of my destiny and taking control of what was being given to me. I could quit you at anytime. As I settled in behind the wheel, I was a mere block away from home and I had to call him to let him know about the rain. I hung up and laughed to myself as I thought how crazy that call must seem. To comfort myself and relax into my freedom, I turned on the radio, so I could sing out loud. Freeway, finally, driving through city limits, debating on if I should stop for breakfast or not…me and the radio. I had finally left L.A. Country, the freeway opened up and pressed a little more on the peddle. It was until I had reached the openness of the coast that a heavy feeling came over me. I had lost the L.A. radio station and pressed seek. Ok, I listed to two DJs discuss how to name a baby and laughed along with them. Their shift was over and so was my love for their station. Seek. Next station was country. Great I thought, I could settle in for the last hour of the drive. The next thing you know I am crying, no wait, bawling over the words in a song. WTF? I’m not talking just a few tears, I’m talking full on gasping for air, and sounds of pain eminating from me. WTF? This isn’t happening. The song finally came to an end. I wiped away the tears and sat in my perplexity of the crying. The next song started and again with the tears. I had had a conversation with myself earlier about my feelings of leaving for the week, so I thought I was ok, what are these tears for? Traffic came to a slow crawling pace as I wondered what could have happened to warrant this. Nothing of course, this is Southern California. I tuned to a different station and sang out the loud for my amusement, just to see if the other car would look over. The games I find to pass the time. My concert was broken up by a phone call. Yeah, it’s him. I have resisted the urge until now to call him. Thank goodness he took the first step. I laughed and talked about traffic and tried not to be sad. I wanted to share every moment of this drive with him, I wished I wasn’t alone on this adventure, but I knew I had to be. Our conversation ended, my confidence through the roof, I arrived on campus and checked in. Although I’m sure I stilled looked college-ish, with my red running pants and camo jacket, that or I was trying too hard to look cool, my purse and my hair made me feel like I was 50. Someone stopped and asked me for directions, so I knew I fit in. I walked to my suite and explored its sparcity. Two chairs, a couch, a coffee table, a dining table with chairs, white metal cupboards framed the tiny sink and miniature fridge and microwave. Four rooms on one side, three on mine, the bathroom, industrial with a HUGE shower, visions of college porn popped in my head the suite mates all crammed into the shower. My room was a tiny box complete with loft bed, desk and armoire. If I were to yell right now, it would echo.