my little indian

Most days I feel no need to be indian, I am just a "regular" person. But today having conversations about Twilight and New Moon I am drawn to the subject. As I have not seen these movies I have no opinion on the movies themselves, but rather the movie industry in general.
I have never felt embarrassed to be indian before, but today I felt dirty. I read post after post about the casting of the film, and how misunderstood it is out there. I wanted to cry. I understand the feeling of most people and the comment on how it shouldn't matter what ethnicity the actor is to play the part, but tell me, doesn't it cheapen one's cultural upbringing by using another group? Casting tries to be open minded, but are shut down by the executives who sadly must have sold their souls to the devil. When entering the industry I'm sure there were some that were idealistic and wanted to change the world, and now they are beat down by wanting to keep their job and they have forgotten their long ago wish to change the world. This lackadasical feeling extends to the general public, who insist on not simply being (insert citizenship here), but cling to their ethnic roots like they knew something about them. So why is it that these same people balk at American Indians? What are we lesser because we didn't emigrate here? Ironic isn't it? This is our land, yet we are no more a citizen then someone who has just passed through customs. Our history is the stuff of legend. My people are in your history book, but yet I am still a visitor. There is no customs agent when I leave my part of this world, but yet when I do walk the streets I am still treated like a visitor.
Are we not a visible enough minority? What will it take? And just because we are brown, does not mean that any tan face can play our part.


I have a confession to make. I carry around a lock of my own hair. It's in a plastic bag in my purse, tied very loosely in with an elastic in a simple pony tail. Some days I forget about it and wonder when will I open up my bag and find that the bag has exploded and there is hair stuck to everything due to the static electricity of this dry day.
At first I had totally forgotten about it. I have had my hair long since I moved here. At first it was due to complacancy and not knowing what to do with myself, I have no fashion sense.