Thursday, August 12, 2010

I should be a shut in

I hate to leave the house.  It is such a chore.  You think it would be an easy task.  I live in a big city why should it matter what I look like, no one is looking at me right?  But I feel that everyone is.  I can see judgement as I pass people on the street, I can feel eyes on me as they pass.  That's why I love living in the land of endless sun, I can wear sunglasses and follow their eyes as they pass.  I much prefer hiding away in my cave, hidden away from the world.  I explore the world through the window of my computer.  Don't make me go outside. Please.  I make excuses, I insist it's someone else's fault.  My breathing starts to speed up, it kinda scares me.  I can feel the tears well up in my eyes.  My nostrils flair in an effort to hold back the tears.  What difference does it make if I cry?  I'm alone, who'll see my weakness.  I wish I could walk out that door.  My head held high.  But I can't.