Life - Figured out
Ok, ok, maybe not life, but this little part of life is figured out. For today. Right now I have a bazillion windows opened in Chrome. Yes, who knew you could open a bazillion and your computer and browser still function a speed faster than a snails pace, but there you have it.
So I am trying to get through, and figure out why I opened all these windows. I am trying to close them and read them all. But as I read them, I open more, so I live in an endless circle of "research". But today I figured it out. I don't like to read. I was trying to read a newly opened window about writers and their fear of writing and as I scrolled through the page, I got bored with myself and wondered WTF I was doing.
So, instead of lolling (not LOL'ing) and not writing yet another day, here I am. Posting my brilliant findings to the world. Getting over myself and the voices in my head. What are these voices saying? Well, they're not exactly saying "not to write", nor are they saying "you suck as a writer, no one will read it", it's just saying..."meh, there's always tomorrow".
But now as the year, the first decade of this new century, is nearing an end I am taking stock. WTF have I been doing? WTF will I do? Why TF haven't I been doing anything? I don't have an answer to these questions. Mostly I guess just sitting around lurking online down a myriad of rabbit holes of Internet stuff and trying to declutter and simplify my life.
What was I saying? What am I saying. I guess I should just be happy that I'm writing. Instead of just working stories out in my head.
But once it gets out, it just sits there, it doesn't do anything.
Why does the end of the year do that to a person? You stop and take stock of your life. Why is it January 1st is the start of this new epiphany and life? I guess it makes sense. After 2 months of eating and regaling and putting up with family and then all the holiday parties, it's time to hit the reset button. So as you nurse the hangover, both booze and food, you contemplate the bad choices you've made and now are vowing to make better decisions, it's on to a new life!
Okay, now that I don't know what the heck I'm writing about, I guess I should take stock in 2019. It's been a good year. And after turning down some amazing opportunities because I was extremely fortunate and then questioning what the universe had in mind for me, which is something I hate to do, because the universe is supposed to have a plan for you right? What is it they say in support groups? Turn it over to a higher power. What am I supposed to do with that? I am too much of a control freak to turn anything over to anyone else. And don't even get me started on asking for help. That's another rant all together.
So with that, until next time.