It's time to move again. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I have emptied out our L.A. home. Nine truckloads of stuff to Goodwill. Countless posts on Craigslist to get rid of large household items. A full load of craft supplies to a non-profit in Venice. Towards the end, after months of trying to move-on, you get fed up. You start saying "F*ck it" and just start throwing things away and giving them away for free.
After coming to terms with having to live in paradise (yes, I know, boohoo for me) and emptying out the last remnants of my mainland life. We're moving back to the mainland.
Getting rid of stuff here in L.A. was much simpler. Although we hadn't amassed that much stuff in Hawaii, there were things that just weren't going to make the trip back. What made it more difficult was that I was here and the man was in HI, responsible for the move.
Salvation Army in Hawaii, was not as accepting, so we had to pay to get rid of our stuff. Any money we had made selling our stuff on Craigslist went to pay for some guy to take our perfectly good stuff. What a racket. I guess there's only so much space on an island.
If you have food left, you can either give it to the trash haulers, or drop it off at the food bank.
Another great moving item are these wonderful 27 gallon totes. I found my first lot on Craigslist from some guy in Malibu and bough 13 of them them. Which made moving so much easier. Being a bit type A and a need for things to match, these boxes all being uniform the move a bit more bearable.
But now as the boxes are emptied, I have found myself missing stuff. Not in the longing sense, but stuff that had not made the return journey to the mainland. I had culled a lifetime of stuff and kept what was most precious to me (or at least the things I could not part with) and now they are gone and I'm pissed. I should be grateful and happy, but I can't be. Every time I go into a store with the need to buy something for our new home, I can't bring myself to do it. Why bother spending time and money with this ridiculous ritual of consumerism when it will just be given away or left behind. Gone are things that I have been toting around with me since college. They were household items that, over the years, I found indispensable and now they were gone. I don't even want to unpack. I have been living from boxes and suitcases since August 2015. I can't bring myself to just settle in, even though it took me 3 months to finally find a matching set of dressers and drove all the way to Palos Verdes from the Valley in the rain to get them.
I am writing this post to try and get over my anger and frustration at moving. I have listened to countless podcast and audio books on how to let go, and I can't. I express my frustration out loud constantly in the hopes of releasing these feelings, but yet they stay. Usually once I say my peace I can on, but now I can't. I kicked and screamed and made a fuss about moving yet I was in the final stages of acceptance when life changed again.
The audio books tell me that change is good and I don't want to believe that. One of them even went to depths to tell me how change is essential and it is like science. And still I can't accept it. (SIDEBAR: I pride myself on being a person of science, so when "hokey" spiritual things that are good for you are explained to me in terms of science, I'm much more accepting of them. So now I am writing this, for all the world to see, in the hopes of my mind will be free again so I can shop without having a meltdown in the middle of the store. My only solace currently is that I am not spending money and coping with my living situation. My new home now needs to be perfect. Bulletproof. Ready to move in an instant. Every item I buy must be able to move at a moments notice with minimum effort.
I now long for Hawaii and its beaches and hiking. It was going to be a fresh start for me. I guess I'll just have to figure out how to do that from Hollywood. What will I be now?